So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
