you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
