I wish I could teleport
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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