My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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