areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
