There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
