I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
