You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
