woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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