I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
