I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
