That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
