Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
