He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
