nut hugger
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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