jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize