Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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