there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
