So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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