There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
