Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
