Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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