I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
