Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wish you could order shots online.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
