Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
