It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
