Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
