it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
