Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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