you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
