Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
