We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
