if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
