i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
