Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
