I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My dick has a subreddit
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
