On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
