You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
