did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
