so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's blow job season.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
