i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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