Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize