shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
