He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
