those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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