No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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