we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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