i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
