Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
whose parrot is this?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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