Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
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I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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