then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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