New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
