I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
