hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
