I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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