So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
