i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
