The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
