never play flip cup with pint glasses
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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