I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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