Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
