I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
