I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
