He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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