you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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